Erika

Jarod’s still sick and missed his Halloween party at school today. He’s being a good sport about it, but he’s kinda bummin’. One of the kids I babysit is going to bring home Jarod’s treats from his class, so that should take the edge off. I told him we’d make popcorn, watch a movie and wear our costumes after everyone gets home. He was Darth Vader, so I’m going to let them watch a Star Wars movie. That may not sound like a big deal to you, but Star Wars is like a religion/obsession with Jarod, so he will be very happy.

I’m getting a little annoyed with the scale, I think I may have hit a wall with the weight loss. Damn I hate that!!!! Oh well, this too shall pass. I hope you are all well.

I just had to share this..Jarod, my oldest is watching Wife Swap with me as I am cleaning up the house. One of the women on tonights episode is basically an endentured servant to the house of males she calls home. When the showed the one son commenting on how if Mom calls them to the table and the food isn’t ready, he and the other males in the family are very upset with her, Jarod laughed out loud. He told me that I have to go on Wife Swap, that it would be the best show ever.

He went on to say that the show would send me to a male ” shove a fist “, ( chauvanist ) and that I would whip his sorry butt into shape in two days, and ” We’d show the other Mom how real men act with a lady, we’d buy her flowers and say please and thank you, and Dad would rub her feet after dinner, ’cause she tired. “ 

Don’t you love it?

I got my new scale out and weighed myself this morning, no change. Which is weird, because I feel thinner. I’m not worried, I seem to see the scale move mid week. Ethan weighed himself lastnight and saw that he’s gained about 20lbs over the last 3 years, he really doesn’t look it though. I love the male attitude, he lifted up his shirt, rubbed his belly, and said, ” Damn, I should probably do something about that.” Then he went downstairs and promptly got himself a bowl of ice cream. I just looked at him, and he said, ” Oh, I didn’t mean today…I was thinking like New Years. “  He cracks me up!

Ethan really earned his SuperDad reputation with the kids today. We had a ton of grocery shopping to do today, and had the boys in tow. Ethan took the kids to the cafe at the first grocery store we went to and had hot chocolate, while I shopped. Then he took the kids to the snack bar at Wal-Mart for pretzels and Icees, while I shopped. Finally he took the kids to the Valley Dairy, next door to the next grocery store and split a huge sundae with the kids, while I shopped. They are now all huddled up together watching the new copy of Over The Hedge he smuggled into the house when no one was looking. 

I splurged  I bought myself some crabmeat and portabella mushrooms, I’m gonna stuff those bad boys tonight and have them for lunch tomorrow.

Jarod’s coming down with a cold, he has asthma and needed a breathing treatment tonight. I’m going to keep him home from school tomorrow, and hopefully he will be well enough to go back on Tuesday for their Halloween party.

Again buddies, I would like to thank you all for support over the last couple of days with our family issues. It’s so nice to feel understood, I am truly grateful for all of your kind words and encouragement. Jarod asked for homemade applesauce with extra cinnamon, my whole house smells like a pie so I know the apples are done steaming, so I have to run. Have a great night my friends.

I am proud to say that I survived trick-or-treating, without so much as an M&M.  I thought I was prepared for all the Halloweeners, I bought 30 bags of candy, but had to run back to the store to get 10 more, and yes we used them all. There was actually a house around the block from me handing out canned vegetables, yes you read that right…vegetables. I’m talking corn, carrots, potatoes, and when they ran out of veggies they started giving out individual packets of instant coffee. It takes all kinds, I guess. I remember not being thrilled as a kid when I got a piece of fruit or raisens, but never a can of stewed tomatoes.  I can only imagine the condition of their house this morning, I think the neighborhood kids were planning retribution.

On the in-law front, boy did that heat up lastnight. My MIL called Ethan lastnight on his cell phone of course, they refuse to call the house phone for fear that they may actually have to speak to me. She launched into this tyrade about a conversation I had with one of her daughters 7 mos ago, right after the birthday party incident. Basically she called me everything but my own name and a child of God. Among my favorites, she told Ethan that I had brainwashed him into thinking like me, you know that whole be nice, love your children, respect your wife thing that I’m known for. She then went on to say that his sisters have decided to cut me off !?!?

I love the ” you can’t fire me, I quit ” mentality of this woman. Again the last time I spoke to any of them was 7 mos ago, where I in no uncertain terms told his sister that the relationship between them and my children was over. Well hold on to your seats Buddies, Ethan went off! To make a long story short, he’s done! He told her that this was the final straw and that he wants absolutely nothing to do with any of them any longer. Which isn’t much of a stretch considering they only call him one every six weeks or so, and that’s when they need something. He then gave me his blessing to tear her head off. With great joy I sent this woman an e-mail that took the inventory of everyone in that family. God that felt good!I told here that she was quite possibly the most reprehensible excuse for a mother I have every had the displeasure of witnessing, and that it was only by the grace of God and Prozac that all of her children weren’t serial killers.

The great news is that Ethan finally reconnected with his older brother lastnight on the phone. His brother hasn’t spoken to the family in over 4 years, because of the same insanity they put on Ethan. I weighed myself this morning, and my scale says that I have gained 20lbs this week. So I will be buying a new one this afternoon.  

Hello buddies, and thank you for all the support last night.

I feel much better this morning. Our situation has been brewing for years, and usually I can just deal, but sometimes it just creeps up and enrages me. Again, thank you all for coming to help me restore my sanity.

I’m really looking forward to trick-or-treat tonight.  I have to go to the store and get my make-up this morning. You know, black lipstick and glittered eye make up. I practically had to pry the light saber out of Jarod’s hands yesterday, he’s going as Darth Vader, and Logan is going to be Lighting McQueen, the red car from the movie Cars.

Tonight will be a test of will, as we usually order pizza, pick through the candy, make popcorn, and watch our copy of The Great Pumpkin, after Halloweening is over. I’m sure I’ll be fine, I’ll order unbreaded wings or something for myself. I hope you all are well, I’m off to find my cauldron.

Forgive me once again but this will be a long one, but I am so upset right now that I’m either going to eat my weigght in chocolate or kill someone. I will try my best to give you the Reader’s Digest version. My in-laws are assholes!

 Sorry for the language, but it is the only word ( well not the only one, it’s the only one fit to print) I can think of. Ethan is the 5th in a line of 6 children, currently his family is only speaking to 3 of the 6, my husband is one of the excommunicated. His parents take the position of, ‘do not question and do as we say or you will be eliminated.’  Mind you the youngest child in the family is 28.

These people have always hated me, and by always I mean that Ethan & I started dating when we were 15. We were on and off again until about 10 years ago, when we finally got it right. It is of my belief that the reason that they hate me is that I will not be dictated to from a group that makes the average Jerry Springer guest look like Martha freaking Stewart. Over the last 8 1/2 years they have seen my children less than 25 times, we live 15 min away with heavy traffic.

I swear to you that if a gun was pointed to all of their heads they could not name either of my children’s brithdays, much less any other important detail of their lives. The final straw was in March when one of Ethan’s sisters called a 10 yr old guest at my son’s birthday party a f*ing retard, then laughed when he cried. I threw them all out. The latest estrangement came from their defending the sister’s actions stating that I was just was to sensitive.

Am I wrong for being a little pissy at Ethan’s need to try and maintain contact with these people, or should I say work his way back into ” talk to-able status” ? I have made the decision that the relationship between them and my children is over. I truly believe that they are toxic and harmful, in the last 10 years they have also excommunicated 4 of their grand children ranging in age from 21 to a newborn they have never met.

If it were we me, I would tell anyone in my family to go to hell if they dared to disrespect my husband, much less my children, the way they have us. Am I crazy here? Don’t get me wrong, Ethan is a wonderful husband and a phenomenal father. I just don’t get working this hard to be included in a group that rivals the Jackson family in insanity. Any ideas?

Tomorrow is trick-or-treat, and my kids are bouncing off the walls, that includes the little boogers I babysit too. Our town has a costume contest, where all the kids gather at the football stadium and then have a little parade through town. We get so many kids here it’s unreal, the first year we lived here I had to go get more candy 3 or 4 times. We also get a lot of “baggers”, which was also new to me until we moved here. The baggers are mostly teenagers, who ring the doorbell and run away leaving a paper bag, with a note asking you to feed the hungry youth. Some people find it annoying, I think it’s funny.

I finished painting the first floor of my house yesterday, it looks so much nicer and cleaner. I’ll start the 2nd and 3rd floors this weekend. What a job my little project turned out to be. My house is an absolute mess, so I will be spending most of the day cleaning and doing laundry. Time to make the monsters breakfast, I’ll check in with all of your blogs after the bus.

I made a decision lastnight to take the evening off from my diet. The key word here is decision. I did the math and realized that I have gone 43 days without going over 15grams of carbs a day. I very methodically planned out what I wanted, which ended up being Chinese. I ordered General Tso’s Chicken with broccoli, 2 egg rolls, and 6 wontons. The portions are huge, so there was more than enough food for Ethan and I to split the dinner. I ate all the broccoli, some chicken, one egg roll, and two wontons, what Ethan didn’t eat I threw away.

To Ethan’s credit, before I ordered dinner, he asked me if I really wanted to do this. The answer was yes. I can honestly say that I just wanted it, I was feeling fine, I wasn’t upset or stressed, I just wanted Chinese. I didn’t look at it ‘ I deserved it ‘ because I don’t want to reward myself with food, I just wanted it. The coolest thing about it was that after dinner I felt no guilt and no shame. I walked away from the dinner table feeling satisfied, I could have eaten more, but I chose not to. For the first time in my life, I ate with no feelings of, ” Why did I do that? “  That is a huge thing for me, being able to distiguish between emotional eating and just a desire to eat like a normal person.

There is no doubt in my mind that I will go right back to my diet today. That’s another huge difference for me, normally I would have taken the attitude of, ‘ Well I blew the week so I might as well go all out ‘. I don’t feel like that today, which is proof to me that I was clearly thinking and not feeling my way through dinner. I feel empowered this morning, like I am really getting my food issues in check. Once again I credit all of you, I know that without this forum, I wouldn’t have the clarity that I have now. Thank you.

Thank you all for your kind words and support. I do spread myself to thin, I guess I didn’t realize that doing so contributed to my issues with emotional eating so much. I am going to have to find a way to unwind and relax so I don’t go for food, which I didn’t lastnight.

The reality is that my life is about to get even more hectic, as is everyone’s, with the upcoming holiday season. I mentioned before that I make gingerbread houses, castles and trains each year for friends and family. I also try to donate a few to charities that raffle them off. I made a castle last year that went for over $600 in a chinese auction. I already have 10 requests for this year and 1 donation to a Make A Wish event. Between mid Nov. and Christmas Eve I average about 20 a season. Ethan’s going to post a picture of one tonight along with a couple of party pics.

Speaking of Ethan, he sent me the sweetest e-mail this morning. Among a lot of other wonderful things he told me that he wanted to be my #1 supporter in this whole weight loss journey, and “I want to be the one who hands you a cup of water at the finish line of your marathon.” He also deeply apologized ( again ) for forgetting to tell me about the cookies for scouts. I guess I’ll let him live.

I’m off to bake Jarod’s ghost cookies now, I know I could buy them, but he wants the ones I make with the white icing and sugar crystals. Plus homemade dosen’t have all that partially hydroginated garbage that is so bad for you.

Finally, I got my green star today!  I lost another 2 lbs, bringing me to a 25lb loss.