A very, very bad weekend.
It has been a very trying weekend, I’m feeling conflicted about writing this. I don’t want to give the wrong impression of my husband, but I need to get this off my chest….
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Ethan and I do not fight often, maybe a couple of times a year, BUT…when we do fight it’s all out warfare and always about the same topic.
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He has a problem processing stress, so whenever he is feeling overwhelmed or stressed out he refuses to talk about it and just supresses it, sort of.
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It’s a bunch of subtle things…heavy sighs, closing the cupboard doors a little too hard, pounding on the computer keyboard, ect…
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By the end of the day the tension in the house is palpable and I have spend the majority of that day saying things like, ” What’s wrong?”
and ” Are you OK? “ Knowing all the while that a fight is brewing, and fielding those questions about him from everyone he comes in contact with that day.
rn
I’m from the position of ‘If you don’t want to talk about what is bothering you, don’t make it obvious to everyone that you are upset.’
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By 4pm the shit had hit the fan, and we were in a full on screamer. The kids were at the park with my Mother.
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Nothing like this has EVER happened before, but during the arguement Ethan flipped out and smashed a very sturdy, expensive, wooden TV table into about 15 pieces.
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He was totally red in the face, screaming at the top of his lungs, and slammed his fists into the table and sent the pieces flying.
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I grew up in a house like that with a man (father) who would take these childish, rage filled tantrums and destroy things. I WILL BE GOOD AND GOD-DAMNED IF I WILL LIVE LIKE THIS NOW!
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He swore that had the kids been home it never would have happened, to me that implys that his behavior was by choice.
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It seems pretty cut and dried to me, either he was totally out of control or this stunt was a calculated move. He said that he couldn’t answer that because either way he looks like an asshole….I agreed!
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I do not believe Ethan would ever hit me, but I would be a fool not to recognize that this is always how abuse starts, and I told him so.
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I also told him in no uncertain terms ( I will spare you the string of explatives I used while doing so ) that if he EVER pulled another stunt like this again I would divorce him…I meant it and he knew it.
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To top it all off, I got a call from a dear friend lastnight and she was crying hysterically.
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She and her 12 yr old son were planning a day at an amusement park about an hour away a few days ago. Because of possible storms she decided to stay close to home and took him for ice cream and bowling instead.
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So she came home much earlier than expected, and found the front door dead-bolted….unusual.
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Finally she got the door open and found her husband stark naked and well….aroused.
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She starts (loudly) asking what the hell was going on, and her son goes outside to avoid the fight. He walks around the house and catches a woman crawling out of the basement window.
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The husband’s excuse?
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He claimed that his friend stopped over unexpectedly and just as he was about to take a shower. after his shower he realized that he had no clean clothes in the bedroom and asked her to go to the basement to get him some.
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He didn’t want to be ‘caught’ naked, so he locked the basement door, and when she was coming back upstairs she would knock to signal him. Then after he unlocked the door, she could pass the clothes through.
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So the reason she was crawling out the window was because…..
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He forgot he had locked her down there!
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Can you believe this?
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You really did have an awful weekend…and so did your friend. I’m so sorry. Have you and your husband ever talked about going to talk to someone…I hate to say therapist, that always seems to quickly put people on the defense. But I can tell you from experience that talking to someone that is involved in your daily life (that won’t judge or take sides) can really help. When I found out my husband was having an affair just after my son was born, I went to a therapist, and given all the information, she never belittled him or spoke bad of him…she truely listened and helped me get through the divorce in a healthy way for both myself and my son! There’s probably a lot of little things that just build and build for your husband and then it just all gets blown out on you…because your there and (sounds wrong, but) he’s comfortable enough with you to blow up at or around you…does that make any sense??
Good luck to you and your friend! I’ll be thinking of you all.
Sometimes men can be so infuriating and infantile!
I told my ex in the early years of our marriage that if he ever laid a hand on me, I’d be gone for good. And that’s exactly what happened. The signs were there for years - alcohol, lengthy silences, verbal and emotional abuse - but I’d chosen to overlook them. I stayed because of the kids. Wrong choice.
I’m telling you from experience…if it gets to that point, do what’s best for you and your children. It’s your job to protect them and yourself, even if it means making a drastic move. I thought I had no choice because I had nowhere to go. I was wrong. There are always choices and there is always somewhere to go.
And I’m always here for you.
I am so sorry you had such a terrible weekend. Hope it all gets better for you and your friend.
I don’t know what to say. I hope you and Ethan can sit down and have a really good talk about what happened. My husband too keeps his feelings bottled up and then lets loose, mostly a bad time at work and nothing to do with me or home. Our problem though is working for the same company and he tries not to bring his work home, but I have told him that I would rather he told me about something at work bothering him than to try to keep it in and then blow when it has nothing to do with me. It has gotten better.
I am here for you girl!
Hope your friend is doing okay, that would have been it for me!
Hope today is better than yesterday!
Sorry you had such a rotten weekend, cannot offer any advice but any time you want to talk or cry or whatever I am here. Hugs for your heart.
I cannot believe this $hitty husband of the frend of yours. That after such obvious cheating he would even try to sell a story… spineless SOB.
I will not even try to sound smart about your situation. Let me just say that I truly regret you had such a lousy weekend.
Sorry to hear about this Erica but good for you for being so strong and speaking up and letting your husband know that his behaviour is unacceptable.
Take care and I hope todays going much better for you.
~~~~Lori
I’m sorry you had a rough weekend Erika. I can’t speak about the fight between you and Ethan except to say this seems like a strange reaction from him from what you generally write about him. I think this was more of a venting blog than a looking for an opinion blog….plus I know you’ll figure things out yourself. But I’m here for you….you know that. As for your friend….I cannot believe that!! I hope she’s gone and out of the house.