Erika

I don’t know if anyone else’s children are stricken with this condition, but mine have it up to their eyeballs.

We lovingly call it The Insanity of Anticipation Disease.

The kids…including the girl I babysit for(must be contagious, not just genetic, we’re taking her with us) clearly have lost their minds. They have been acting like savages all week, as they have been waiting for us to go on vacation today.

It’s like the excitement of our upcoming vacation has shorted out their brains and they have forgotten even the simplist rules of behavior. You know little things like flushing the toilet…. the fact that the are not allowed to use themselves as human bowling balls, sliding on their stomachs across the floor, head first into a set of plastic pins that were set up directly in front of a steel door…or my personal favorite, Logan weilding a metal tube used for a canopy, like a Samori warrior and clipping Jarod right in the mouth, putting Jarod’s front tooth almost completely through his bottom lip.

He’s OK, he just looks like he lost a fight….well technically I guess he did.

Anyway, I am about to choke them.

We will be leaving this afternoon and be back some time on Tuesday. My head hurts from all that I have to do today.

Packing for and anticipating the needs of everyone who is going….9 of us in total, is driving me nuts. Maybe it’s me, but the ideal of having to pack kitchen wear and a crockpot for a vacation kinda pisses me off on principle.

Anyway, I have made the decision that I will not be going off my diet while we are gone. I am finally over the 2 week hump of low carbing it…and the cravings ave all but dissappeared. I’m not willing to re-start that time clock over a long weekend getaway.

I definately will be getting a new scale when we get home, I weighed myself this morning and I either lost 35 lbs in 2 weeks or gained another 4. Even I can see a difference, so the scale has to be messed up. the kids like to use it as a step stool. The new one will be tucked away in a closet until I need it.

I hope you all have a great weekend and I will be checking back on Tuesday. Pack I must….God knows Ethan will have a stroke if he doesn’t have his special coffee mug, or Logan and his SpongeBob jammies, or Jarod and his Buzz LightYear towel.

 Did I mention that my parents are going as well? Yeah, the ones who have been divorced for 30+ years. Keeping them seperated in the condo, or at least at a safe distance is going to be a fun one. They have about an 1 1/2 hours tolerence for each other, but they both want to share this time with the Grand Babies.

Yes, there will be a fifth in my suitcase. Three Olives, Chocolate Vodka, thank you very much…which I highly reccomend, actually if you mix the chocolate with the cherry one it’s a good time.

Have a great one Buddies! 

 Ethan comes in the house lastnight and says, “I’m showing this to you before you see it in the trash and blow a gasket wondering why it’s there.”

He was holding in his hand an empty condom wrapper that was thrown on the sidewalk right beside our house. He was quite proud of his eagle eyed observation of seeing in the dark, and went on to say how he wanted to spare me having to explain what it was to the kids when they would enevitably find it in the morning.

Well apparently ”Old Eagle Eyes” needs a new set of glasses, or his powers of observation don’t work above 3 ft, because clearly he missed something.

This afternoon when I was on my way to my mother’s house, I get the kids in the car and get about half a block when I see it…and at that exact moment Jarod yells out, ” Why is there a little balloon tied to the antenna? ”

It was ever so artfully attached so that when the wind hit it, the damned thing inflated and was (for lack of a better word) flopping around in the breeze.

Always cool under pressure, the words “It’s not a balloon, it’s a freaking condom” flew out of my mouth before I could stop them. I pulled over ripped it off and threw it in the sewer. I get back in the car, and the conversation goes as follows…..

What’s a condom?

Don’t worry about it.

Really, what is it?

Grown up stuff

Come on I hear that word on TV all the time, what is it?

Seriously, we’ll talk about it later.

(enter into the conversation the 11yr old girl I babysit for)

I think I know what it is, it’s a special sock for sex

(back to Jarod)

Well if it’s about sex then I think I’m old enough to know, by the way…what exactly is sex?

Hey let’s see what’s on the radio?

No I want to talk about sex

Ooh, I love this song ( turning up the radio )

OK, but when it’s over I want you to tell me what sex is.

         Me too!

                 Me too!

This went on for the entire 30 min car ride. I wasn’t planning on having that conversation today…but I did. Actually I think I handled it quite well. I was calm and logical, I was very adult and very non-threatening about it…and now I am having a very large drink.

I swear if I find the little shit that did it, I’m going to break his arm.

I swear

Let me just say this….If the scale isn’t broken, someone may get hurt!

It has been 12…count them 12 days of faithful, committed, absolute, (obsessive even) low carb eating, and according to my piece of crap scale I have gained 3 lbs.

In all of my history of dieting, I am usually guarenteed a 5-8 lbs loss within the first 2 weeks. What the hell happened? It’s like my internal clock said, ” Ha Ha, You’ll be 35 in a matter of weeks Whammo! No weight loss for you! ” ( insert Soup Nazi voice here )

At first I told myself maybe it’s water retention, but then it occured to me that the only way for me to be retaining enough water to negate a loss and add 3 lbs would be if someone snuck up on me in the middle of the night and attached 2 gallon water jugs to my ass without me noticing.

I am so cheesed off…you know scratch that, I can have cheese-no carbs, I’m potatoed off!

Had I known that I was going to gain 3 lbs I would have eaten the damned macaroni salad at the BBQ yesterday instead of coveting it. Iwould have eaten the Doritos, or at the very least licked a few. Let’s not even talk about the brownies and cookies and pies. Apparently I can gain weight through osmosis now.

Come to the freak show and watch the woman who can mysteriously absorb the calories of food by just looking at it!

I even choked down one of those awful protein shakes yesterday morning because I didn’t have time to cook myself anything. You know those shakes, the ones that taste like rotten cardboard dipped in foot?

Why am I drinking vanilla flavored “footy cardboard” if I’m only going to gain 3 lbs.

 To top that off, do you know what I will be doing today? You don’t, well thank you for asking.

I will be either shopping for, preparing, or freezing meals ( that I can’t eat any damned way ) to take with us on vacation. That doesn’t even count the cookies and candies everyone asked for ( again, can’t eat them ).

We rented a condo with a full kitchen, and just for shits and giggles, I thought I would do most of the cooking ahead of time so I’m not strapped to the oven the whole time. Don’t worry, I’ll have plenty to do. It has a washer and dryer as well. Basically I will spend the long weekend doing the same things I do at home…just with a better view.

The only thing that could make this worse would be if I buy a new scale only to find that the original one was right. Then not only will I be 3 lbs heavier, but I’ll be out $35.

I’m so damned mad I could spit! But then again, that would probably just make me thirsty, and then I would have to drink more water…and we all know how that goes straight to my thighs.

This morning I woke up with a terrible feeling of anxiousness, I know where it’s coming from…it’s all about the job I will be taking in a little over a month.

Some of you may remember, a very dear friend’s husband is taking over a popular local resturant here. They have offered me the position of manager, at first I thought it was an assistant position, but I was wrong it’s the manager. While I am very excited about it I am also extremly nervous…actually terrified.

I have done this before, but it has been over 8 years since I worked outside the home. I found of the other day that in addition to all of the normal duties I will be in charge of all of the seasonal decorating for the various holidays, party planning..as well as the grand opening, and I will be a huge part of the promotional aspect.

They plan on building 2 banquet rooms and they want we to work as an in house event planner  well. All of this is right up my alley, but I am really quite intimidated by responsibility and scale of it all.

They have absolute faith in me and because of the types of parties we throw here their expectations of me are very high. I don’t want to let them down, and I would prefer to not fall flat on my face.

I’m also worried about how this new job is going to affect things at home. Ethan and I have already been talking about how he is going to really get more involved in the cooking, cleaning, shopping, laundry, ect…here. He’s totally supportive but I can’t help but wonder if the house is going to fall apart while I’m gone.

It’s going to be a real adjustment for the kids too. Logan is starting full day kindergarden this fall, and a lot of my hours will be while they are gone, but there will be many nights where I am walking out the door as Ethan walks in.

My schedule will be somewhat flexible, and I have made it clear that I will not miss one school play or day where the parents come to help. I guess I’m just really worried about not being home to do all the little extra things my family has become used to.

I don’t even want to think about how this will effect my diet, it going to go one of two ways. I’ll be so busy that I won’t have time to obsess over dieting and food, making it easier to lose weight……or it will be disatsterous for my eating.

I just hate when I have conflicting emotions, I don’t handle unsure well.

Enough bitching, I have to get rady for the cook-out. Those eggs aren’t going to devil themselves.

Have a great one Buddies.

Good Saturday morning Buddies, I hope all is well with you.

Yesterday I took the kids to the mall for haircut and to get their hair re-highlighted. Well, Jarod was the one who was supposed to get the highlights, but Logan was begging for “blondes” in his hair too, so I relented. I never thought I would see either of my boys sitting under a dryer with foils in their hair….but what the hell, it’s the style.

 I too got my hair re-done, and I am thrilled to report that I am now back to red. The natural color thing was just not working for me, actually it was making me feel kind of depressed. I just didn’t look like me anymore.

I was playing this little game with myself, one where I would only go back to red after I had lost 20lbs. I thought it would be good motivation, and then it hit me…..Why would I wait to feel good about myself? Feeling good keeps me on plan, hating the reflection in the mirror is a sure step towards emotional eating and losing my way.

It got me thinking, how many of our Buddies are waiting to be happy until they have lost weight? That kind of thinking seems like a sure recipe for disaster to me…so no more.

I also had another revelation while killing time at the mall. Something weird happened, somehow my thoughts slowed down long enough for me to actually hear them.

The kids and my brother wanted Aunt Annie pretzels. Man those suckers are good! Anyway, I got in line and ordered 3, turns out you get a free one if you buy 3. My mind instantly started racing with excuses and rationalizations as to why eating that pretzel wouldn’t be that bad.

I was hungry, I had done really well so far that day, it was only one time, I’ve not gone over my carb limit for the last 9 days, I have my period so I’m not really expected to stay on plan. The reasons were endless as to why I should just say SCREW IT and have the damn pretzel.

All of this happened at the speed of light, in a matter of seconds. I had almost convinced myself to go ahead and cheat when a voice from behind me shocked me back to reality.

It was a young mother with 2 little girls. She was explaining to them that they could get only one pretzel and share it, because they were expensive and she didn’t have enough money to buy 2.

I asked the cashier to wrap the free one seperately, and then turned and offered it to the woman behind me telling her about the special. She was very sweet and thanked me about 5 times, the girls were excited too now that they each could have their own pretzel. The truth was she unknowingly helped me. My instinct to help her overpowered my instinct to eat at the mall ( just because we always do) with a quickness.

It was shocking to me how quickly we can talk ourselves out of doing what it best for us. How easy it is to lose control if we are not paying attention to what we are thinking…even on a sub-concious level.

So I opted for a diet lemonade from Chick-fil-A instead…big mistake.

I thought diet meant diet. Apparently diet to them means not as bad as regular. I checked the nutritional value on line after I got home. My large diet lemonade had 12 carbs…the regular has about 90. Thankfully I was still within range for yesterday, but that damned lemonade ate up almost half my carb allowance for the day.

We are having a going away BBQ tomorrow for my brother, he’s going back to Boston for school. He and some friends are moving off campus and into an apartment this year, so he has to go back early to get set up. I miss him already.

After yesterday, I am not worried at all about staying on plan for the cookout. Hopefully that “Ah-Ha” moment will carry me through our up coming vacation.

Have a great weekend all!

 I am quite proud of myself, we had an impromptu little gathering here Wednesday night. My adopt-a-kid Bill (19) wanted to invite a couple of his friends over for the evening and dinner. I made a bunch of munchies and his favorites, beer battered chicken and home made mac-n-cheese.

I didn’t eat any of it!

Actually I was too busy playing therapist to the two girls he brought over to eat. I thought he just wanted me to meet them, turns out they both are having some real issues and needed a trusted adult to talk to. He told me later that he had hoped that they would open up to me, and boy did they ever.

Within an hour of being here they were both in tears pouring their hearts out to me. Once again I am amazed at how willing these kids were to tell me everything that was on their minds, because the parents either don’t care enough to ask or just don’t have any clue how to talk to them.

They asked if they can come back later this weekend, of course I said yes.

The one girl, who has been on her own since around 15 years old, just broke my heart when she suddenly excused herself, walked outside, and burst into tears. I asked her what was wrong and she said that my kids are so happy, our house is so warm, and she always wished she had a mother like me. 

It was so sweet and heartfelt that it almost made me cry too, but at the same time it just enraged me! What is wrong with some people? It’s really quite simple….. you have a child, and you love and protect and care for them.

Anyway, I’m on day 8 of low carb. I started to weigh myself this morning and then I realized that TOM is due in a matter of minutes. So rather than end up feeling defeated by the water retenton that I know is there, I decided to hold off until next week. 

My dishwasher is finally here! It’s so shiny and pretty and full of clean dishes. It’s the little things that make me happy.

Be well Buddies!

As usual, our DSL is acting up. We’ve been fighting with Verizon all week and finally thy are sending us a new one. Hopefuly, this piece of crap will work long enough for me to type this without freezing up or throwing me off line.

This is day 5 of being 100% low carb. Hopefully I will be able to keep this up and reclaim all the ground I’ve lost. I don’t know why I do this to myself…eating poorly I mean. I know how much better I feel without all of the sugars and starches, I know how I lose weight almost immediately, I know how to do it. So why do I end up with my face in a bowl of pasta, and then act suprised when I feel 15mos pregnant afterwards?

I know that if I can just hold on for a couple of weeks I’ll be on a roll. I swear it’s like an addict counting how many days they are sober. My house and my mother’s house (being that we practically live there as of late) are stocked with diet friendly foods.

I  took my own advise and gave myself a day devoted to cooking and freezing meals just for me. I also started my personal journal again. 35 is just 6 weeks away, I’d prefer to see that birthday come and go with me considerably smaller than I was last year.

Instead of eating I have been shopping. I bought a toaster oven that looks like it belongs on the Space Shuttle. It broils, it bakes, it defrosts, it’s a rotisseri, I think there may even be a little person that lives inside who seasons the food for you too. In addition to that my kitchen has gotten new curtains, floor mats, dish towels and potholders ( they have all kinds of chocolates on them, why do I torture myself ?) I also got one of those soda fountain style milkshake makers. All of this will go very nicely with my dishwasher that is coming on Wednesday.

You would not believe the joy I experienced while buying my very first container of Cascade….man I need a life.

My front porch also is getting a makeover. I spent the better part of yesterday pressure washing the stone… was it filthy. I got a new mailbox, an address plate that lights up, a light fixture, and ordered new outdoor carpeting! There is some very ugly, very old astro-turf looking green out there now. The new carpet is a really pretty burgandy, and once that is installed next week we will hang the new porch swing.

Yes, they know me by name at Lowes.

Finally I found the perfect shirt for Logan to wear on his very first day of school. It’s a take off on the classic black AC/DC tour shirt. It reads…

                                        AB/CD

                         For those about to read,

                                we salute you!

 I am off to try and get my house in order. Then it’s off to Nana’s house to try and swim before the rain starts.

Is it possible….have my low carb prayers been answered? Ice cream with no carbs that doesn’t taste like cardboard?

OK here’s how it started, as many of you know my husband is a confirmed ice cream-a-holic. I was flipping through a catalog and found a soft serve ice cream maker. So I ordered it ( found out later I could have gotten it at Target for $50, I paid $60 plus shipping for it in the catalog ) anyway, I get it and when I am flipping through the instructions I find the recipies.

Provided I use Splenda or Sweet-n-Low…there are no carbs!

Even the chocolate ice cream only has 12 carbs for a whole quart! The Gods of ice cream have smiled down on me, and I am elated.

So run, don’t walk, to the gadget section of your local super store….go forth and make ice cream.

Not only is it low/no carb but it’s homemade…that means no partially hydroginated whatevers and other various words I can’t pronounce or spell.  Happy dance in progress!

Ethan is tickled with the thought of soft serve in the kitchen, he’s still walking around in a Devil Dog and Elios’ pizza haze.

You see Ethan grew up in Allentown, on the other side of PA. He was raised on Elios’ frozen pizza and Drake’s Cakes ( an east coast version of Hostess ) He loves that pizza, we found it on vacation one year and he about lost his mind. Until last week they never sold it around here.

I found it in Wal-Mart, I actually gasped and yelled, ” Oh my God! ” when I saw it mixed in with the other frozen pizzas. Some woman looked at me like I was a complete loon, so I explained the signifigance of said pizza while I loaded up the cart with 12 boxes. She said I must be a good wife to get so excited over finding his favorite pizza.

Then I found Ethan’s favorite ice cream on sale for $2.50 a half gallon, it’s normally $6.50 a piece, so I stocked up on that too. Thank God for our chest freezer.

I couldn’t wait to get home and show Ethan, he was so excited I thought he might hyper-ventilate. You have never seen a grown man tear open a box of frozen pizza so fast and have it in the oven in under 3 seconds. It was like Christmas morning for him.

He said the only thing missing was a Drake’s Cake Devil Dog. Basically it looks like an ice cream sandwich, but made with devil’s food cake and cream filling. Like I said, you can’t buy them around here. So I went pecking around the internet and found a web site that will ship them anywhere. I bought a case of them and they arrived yesterday.

So Ethan is in his glory. He said, ” OK, I have my pizza, my ice cream, and my Devil Dogs. Now if I could just figure out how to have sex while eating them simultaniously, I could die a happy man. “

After a weekend of non-stop parties and bbq’s, I am exhausted.  I feel like I gained ( and probably did ) 10 lbs. I have got to get back on the wagon here. Bloated is an understatement…over inflated is more accurate. I stocked up on protein shakes and I am seriously considering a liquid fast to get the ball rolling again.

My house is a disaster and all I want to do is sleep, but dust I must…I don’t even want to think about the laundry that is piled up to the ceiling.

Friday, Logan had his physical for school. There are many Dr’s in the peds practice we go to, and one woman in particular just rubs me the wrong way…so of course we got her. She’s very gruff and quite condacending at times.

Anyway, she starts asking Logan about starting Kindergarden and eventually got around to asking if he went to pre-school. He told her no, and she gives this long sigh and says, ” Oh well, let’s see what you can do anyway. ” I almost punched her.

She starts drawing different shapes on the paper covering the exam table, and quizzing him on what they are…he got them all right. Then she asks him to write his name. Keep in mind that Logan is sitting on the exam table facing her. He takes the pen and starts to write his name upside down…with the L facing her. She askes him why he is writing upside down, and he tells her, ” So you can read it. ”

He wrote his entire name that way, and it was as perfect, as if he had done it the normal way. She just looked at me with suprise, I just smiled and said, ” Not bad for not going to pre-school huh? ”

Saturday Ethan and I suprised the kids with a Wii video game system. Let me tell you, this is possibly the coolest thing I have ever seen. Everything is controlled by motion sensors, we were all working up a good sweat playing the games. Who knew? Exercise and video games at the same time.

I’m off to clean my filthy house, and once finished we are heading down to my mother’s for a couple of days to swim. Hope fully I am able to work off some of the damage done this weekend.

Be well Buddies, and Helen if you are reading this…I’m keeping you and your family in my prayers.

As my title suggests I am losing ground very quickly here. Lastnight I had an emotional eating binge like I haven’t had in a long time.

 Some of you may remember my old friend who came home unexpectedly to find her husband naked and his girlfriend crawling out of the basement window about a month ago.

I haven’t talked to her in a couple of weeks, I’ve left messages for her but the calls went unreturned. Now I know why….I just found out that she has been living with her son in a women’s shelter.

It appears that without her knowledge her husband ( a few months ago ) re-newed their lease to a month to month, once she served him with divorce papers he cancelled the lease. There is no way that she can afford their apartment on her own, hence the shelter.

According to PA law if she is staying with her parents they will count their income as part of her own and that renders her unable to get any sort of aid. She works, but is limited by a serious seziure disorder. A condition that until recently has been relatively controlled, but due to the stress she is under has “flared up” to say the least.

I am just sick over this, her SOB husband and his lawyer have filed a continuance in regards to support, so she is getting no spousal or child support what-so-ever.   He is claiming financial hardship, but has no problem arranging to meet her to pick up their son and spent hundreds of dollars doing the oh so typical “weekend Dad” bullshit of trips to the movies and shopping. How he lives with himself knowing after he returns the boy to her they head back to the shelter is beyond my comprehension.

Out of pure humiliation she hasn’t contacted anyone about it, but ran into a mutual friend of ours lastnight and told her the entire story. I flew out to her job and gave her a few hundred dollars just before they closed. The shelter has a curfew, so she had to rush right back after work, but she was able to give me the number to the pre-paid cell phone her mother bought her. Her husband cancelled her old one.

He apparently is staying with his parents, who have no problem with supporting the bastard, his continued affair, or the fact that their grandson is in a freaking shelter! They also are paying for his lawyer!

How the hell does this happen?

It’s going to be at least a month until an apartment becomes available for her, and she only has about a week left in the shelter. Ethan and I are trying to convince her to move in here in the meantime, but she doesnt want to impose and is afraid to establish a even a temporary residence outside of her son’s school district for fear that the state will find her housing outside of it. After all that this boy has been through, the last thing she want’s is for him to have to change schools, he’s in Jr High.

I don’t know what to do, and I am literally sick to my stomach over it.