Erika

Thank you all for the wonderful birthday wishes. Boy, did I clean up in the present department.

There were 2 bouquets of roses delivered, red ones from Ethan and peach ones from the boys. I got the cake stand that I had been wanting, it doubles as a punch bowl if you turn in upside down. I got a bunch of bath stuff, a couple of CDs, a book, and a popcorn tub full of cheesey DVDs that I love…..Xanadu, Rhinestone, and the 1st season of 21 JumpStreet.

Jarod even made me card with me a picture of me standing half way up a hill. (Get it, I’m not quite over the hill yet, but I’m geting close)

My carpeting on the back porch was even installed yesterday. It was a turning out to be a perfect day until……

One of the installers came bursting through the back door yelling that he had cut his hand. Cut being the understatement of the century. This kid had just put a new blade into his Exacto knife and then put a 3 inch long gash into his hand between his thumb and his wrist. It was easily a half an inch deep….I could see the tendons.

That 1st aid training comes in handy. We ended up calling an ambulance because he was losing so much blood and the fact that his heart was racing. I really thought he was going to black out. Actually we got very up close and personal, as I had him sitting in a chair with his arm above his heart and resting on my boobs while I held pressure on his hand.

The poor guy looks me in the face and says, “Don’t worry Ma’am, we’ll finish the job.”  Obviously, I told him that I didn’t care about the carpeting, but his buddy was still outside doing the install. I found out later, when I yelled at the guy to stop working and watch for the ambulance that he never saw the gash, he just thought he nicked himself.

Once the EMT’s put a compression bandage on his hand, his friend drove him to the ER, it’s literally 3 blocks away from my house, dropped him off, and then came to finish the carpeting.

Before they left the fellow who almost cut his hand off thanked me for helping him, and then told me that I remined him of his Mom. A sweet thing to say, but on my 35th birthday I really didn’t want to hear how I was “just like” this 28 year old man’s mother.

Once the carpet was finished, 2 hours later, he was still in the ER. His friend went up to sit with him, and took the lunch I packed for the wounded man. It was well inot the dinner hour and he had to be hungry. They said they would call me today to let me know how he is doing.

Today is the 1st day I will put my little Logan on the school bus. It won’t be as depressing a day as I had first thought. The PTO president called lastnight to ask if I can help out in the Kindergarden classrooms today.

In our district, everyone who helps out in the school needs criminal background/security clearances. None of the new parents have them yet, so they will be calling on us old heads a lot for the first two months or so.

I’m off, I have to get ready for school. I’ll check in with all of your blogs when I get home. 

Well, it’s official…..I’m 35. Today is my birthday. I saw something on TV the other day as it relates to aging and the way that we view it as opposed to European women. When we are asked our age we reply, “I’m 35 years old” according to this woman on the show European women answer, “I have 35 years.”

I like that much better, I have 35 years of experience, 35 years of wisdom, 35 years of laughter and tears….I have 35 years.

Things have been a little nuts around here for the last few days. Jarod and Logan started school yesterday. Jarod in the 3rd grade and Logan in Kindergarden. Ethan and I were able to go with Logan yesterday for his orientation. He’s off today, as the other half of his class has their’s today, but tomorrow I will put him on the bus for the first time.

I plan on being a basket case as soon as the bus pulls away.

Then on Friday, a very good friend of mine called to tell me that she had been thrown out of her house. Some of you may remember her, she was the one hospitalized with the staph infection and her family was no where to be found.

She lives with her aging father and out of control 18 yr old son. He father, who is slipping more and more everyday, went and swore out a complaint against her claming she threatened to kill him, and was granted a PFA. He is showing signs of dementia, as well as paranoia…she did no such thing. When the sheriff served her with the order she was evicted immediately.

Here in Pa, it is very easy to get a PFA…well at least a temporary one. She has a hearing to contest it Sept 5th and will be staying here until then.

That night while she was gone, her son stole her un-insured classic Trans-Am and totalled it. He took it out to impress his friends, got drunk and then took out 2 poles. He has no license, and fled the scene on foot. Once the police caught up with him, and took him to the ER for a blood draw, he claimed that it was a suicide attempt and they committed him.

It took us 2 days to find him, as they are not permitted to tell us where he was due to the HIPPA Laws and the fact that he is 18.

What a mess. She is just beside herself, and I am trying my best to help her through this.

Neither one of us believe that this was a true suicide attempt, I think that once asked if this was an accident or intentional he saw it as a possible get out of jail free card. He wasn’t suicidal when he was parting and joy-riding with his buddies minutes before the accident.

So that’s what’s happening here. I am anxiously awaiting my birthday presents from my family and will be full throttle low carb tomorrow. Today I am going to enjoy my cake and any other dinner I am treated to.

In my last blog I talked about out of control children and their unattentive parents in stores. When I wrote that it was more of a rant about the annoyance of it all, but today I was reminded of just how dangerous that can be.

Yesterday in a local discount store a 5 year old girl was sexually assaulted in a changing room. She was shopping with her mother, aunt, and brother.

A man entered the store for the purpose of returning some items when he noticed the child and the fact that she was not being closely supervised. Somehow he was able to get that precious little girl alone in a changing room, and assault her with a coat hanger while he masterbated.

All of this happened within 10 or so feet from where her mother and aunt were standing, but clearly not paying attention to either the whereabouts of this girl, or those around her.

While it is so easy to be distracted, and no one expects such a horror to happen, all of this child’s trauma could have been avoided by someone simply holding her hand.

These bastards look for the child that is being ignored, like a lion stalking the weak antelope at the watering hole, they are experts on finding the easy mark.

The saddest part about this story for me is the knowledge that this same mother would have never let her purse be out of her sight in that store….I guess replaceable credit cards and cash take precedent over a child’s safety.

Hold on tight to your children, protect them fiercly, and for God’s sake teach them about stranger danger.

Police were able to locate and arrest the man with the information he provided the store when he returned his items…he made bail within hours of his arrest.

Yesterday we finally were able to finish our back to school clothes shopping for the kids. We had planned to go 3 different times before, but something always came up.

Let me tell you, it was a mad-house….like Christmas shopping kind of mad-house just without the piped in Muzac version of Jingle Bells. Hell, the line for the ladies room was 10 people deep.

I have never seen such a collection of pissed off parents and whining children/bitching teenagers in my life.

Maybe it’s just me, but my kids are not allowed to run around store, or hide in the clothing racks. They are not allowed to argue with me about what is or isn’t appropriate attire for school, nor are they allowed to throw themselves down on the floor and have a hissy fit when the word ‘No’ is uttered.

I could not believe the amount of mothers begging and pleading with their children to try on clothes and then begging and pleading to see how said clothes fit. It was amazing to watch these women negotiating and bargining with their kids to just behave and then we can ride the train or go to McDonalds.

Jarod and Logan even looked confused. They actually gasped when they heard one young man, about 10 years old, tell his mother, ” You are so stupid…I don’t like that shirt. “  The worst part? The mother actually put it back, picked up another one and asked if he liked that one instead. My boys just looked at each other and agreed that they would have been killed on the spot had they ever spoken to me like that.

What ever happened to taking your child by the hand and leaving if their behavior is not up to par? One time with each of my boys, I left a full grocery cart at the service desk and took their crying, fit taking, little butts home. They never acted up like that in a store again.

 I thought my head was going to explode by the time we were finished. I just wanted to shake these mothers and ask them if the had ever heard the word DISCIPLINE.

My anniversary weekend was wonderful. Ethan really out did himself. Candles, music, champagne…the whole nine. I did good when I married that guy.

The best part of the weekend was when the kids came home and found their suprise. I had called Jarod at my mother;s and told him that his father and I wanted to get Logan a special big boy present for starting school. I asked him for any suggestions, and he came up with a DVD player.

I was so proud of him for being truly happy for his brother and he never asked if he was getting a gift too. In addition to Logan’s DVD player, we got him a neon lit guitar clock for his room. Logan about died when he saw it.

We got Jarod the little neon lamp he wanted too, and put it on top of the fridge.  It was one of those lights that change colors when you touch it.  He was so busy playing with it that he didn’t even notice the fridge, it was actually Logan who saw it first.

Jarod was so enthralled by the lamp that it took Logan saying ” Jarod there’s a fridge ” 3 times before he heard him. When he finally saw it he screamed so loud he could have woken up cows in Idaho. He almost knocked me over he hugged me so hard. He actually had tears in his eyes, he was so excited.

Once he opened it and saw that it was fully stocked, he put his hand on his head and said, “I think I need to sit down” and he did. He just sat there for a good 10 minutes staring at the fridge. He truly was in shock.

The best $100 I’ve ever spent…hands down.

OK, now before you judge me, let me say that I understand how overly indulgent the whole thing is. I do however have a very good reason for doing what I did.

The other day Jarod and I were grocery shopping, when out of the blue he turned to me and asked if he could have a mini fridge for his room.

Now you have to understand that as a child/teenager I longed for a dorm fridge. I begged and pleaded, even offering to save up and buy it myself all to no avail. My mother had this rediculous notion that because I already had a phone and a tv in my room, if she added a fridge she was certain she would never see me again.

I told Jarod that he could have one when he turned 13. Even though that’s 4 long years away, he didn’t argue or try to plead his case. He just hugged and thanked me and said that he couldn’t wait until his 13th birthday.

I bought the fridge yesterday.

I know, I know…I should have waited until Christmas or the next birthday, but damn it I’m the parent now and I have credit cards, and I make the decisions.

I know the pain of not having a fridge in your room as a child, I know first hand how traumatizing that experience can be, so out of the kindness of my heart I decided to spare Jarod all that pain. My name is Erika…and I am living out my childhood issues through my children.

I can not wait to go to the store today and stock that thing with bottled water, juice boxes, and pints of milk. It even has a little freezer, so I will get some popsicles for good measure.

Oh how Ethan humors me.

Before you ask, yes…Logan will be extremely jealous. I will be stocking the fridge with treats for him too. Actually he’s been pushing for a DVD player for his room. Good thing Wal-mart sells little bottles of water as well as electronics.

I can’t wait for them to come home from Nana’s Sunday morning, I’ll be ready with a camera to capture their faces.

Today is my wedding anniversary. Ethan has planned out an entire evening. We’re going to dinner, then dancing. Well, I’ll be dancing with my girlfriends, Ethan will be guarding the purses with the rest of the dutiful husbands. He evn rented a jucuzzi suite for the night….ohh la la!

What a guy. The other day I was talking about wanting to get those candles you put in your windows. He bought me enough for every window in the house. He totally out did me. I payed for a years’ subscription to Sirius radio. He won this round, or should I say I won.

So that’s what’s happening here. I have to straighten up the house, run some errands, and then it’s off to the hotel.

Have a great weekend Buddies.

I was reading Ash’s blog this morning, and it got me to thinking about the differences in how men and women appraoch weight loss.

 There is one commercial in particular that annoys me. It’s for one of those pre-packaged meal diets. It features a bunch of men, laughing and joking about being fat. They stand there ever so proud of their beer bellies, yucking it up about how their wives are repulsed by them, and the lack of their sexual stamina pre-weight loss.

Now the female counter part of those commercials feature a woman who is damn near suicidal, depressed, unloved, and desperate for a change and of course…the affections of a man. Any man will due…a new one or perhaps the one who doesn’t want her any more because she gained weight. Usually because her body dared to change after the birth of their children.

We are constantly inundated with the sad, fat woman story. From Dr Phil to Oprah and every modern day freak show in between.

So here is my question….when exactly did we as women decide to buy into the nonsense?

I am so tired of seeing the before pictures of women who wear no make up, mismatched, polyester, illfitting clothes, not to mention the fact that she has lost the will to even comb her frizzy hair with the 3 inches of roots showing. Of course none of this would be complete without the standard, ‘I’m miserable and worthless’ scowl.

It’s amazing….she loses weight and suddenly she cares about her hair and clothes and make-up, and true to form there is always a man looking lovingly at her. By the way, how is it that these women lose 40-50 pounds and somehow…miraculously they have even more cleavage than before?

Why is it that overweight men are depicted as jolly fun loving guys who just need to lose a few, and we are painted as worthless miserable failures?

Does anyone else take issue with this?

Question:   What is the best way to torture a PMSing woman who is trying not to stress eat, while clawing her way back into the low carb groove?

 Answer:    Ask her to make 80 chocolate lollipops and 80 chocolate covered pretzel rods. ( in the shape of bowling pins no less)

Yup, that’s what I’m doing, and will be doing for the next day or so.

A good friend of mine is hosting a bridal shower this weekend, and asked me to make all the cutesy candies. Apparently the bride and groom are avid bowlers, so much so that all the bridesmaids and groomsmen are wearing bowling shoes during the ceremony.

I am literally up to my ass in chocolate. I love doing it, don’t get me wrong, but I am really struggling to not lick the spilled droplets of chocolate off the countertops.

While shopping at the candy/baking supply house, we were surrounded by various extravagant cakes and candy creations. Jarod and Logan were so funny, they kept pointing at things saying ‘Wow, look at that’ followed by, ‘You could do that Mom’ or ‘Can you make me one of those later?’  That particular comment came from a styrofoam wedding cake.  So very far out of my league!

It’s nice to know my boys have such faith, albeit misplaced confidence, in my confectionary abilities.

Thank you all for your kind words on my last blog. I’ve decided to try and follow the advice of one Buddy who sugested that I not let the doctor in question take over any more of my life.

On the down side, while I was reading some of the legal paperwork I saw that the SOB has since moved into my town. He’s about a mile and a half from my house. I’m just saying this now, for all the world to witness….if I run into that piece of human garbage in the grocery store I will more than likely be going to jail…..or at the very least the local insane asylium.

That’s about all I have to report today. I hope you are all well, and I will checking in on some blogs after I put a dent in my candy quota. 

Good morning Buddies, sorry I have been gone for the week, it has been a rough one.

As many of you know I am currently involved in a lawsuit against Jarod’s former pediatrician. A few years ago he exposed himself to Jarod, and that sent my kid into a real tailspin. We’ve been battling it out ever since.

Last Monday I had to take him to yet another therapist for an evaluation of the remaining issues stemming from that incident, and then Friday I had to be diposed by the Dr’s lawyers for 3 hours, with a video camera shoved in my face.

Thanks to being prepped well by my attorneys and some very wonderful advise from by dear Buddy Nikki, I was well prepared, and held my own. I kept my cool, and didn’t allow his slimeball lawyer to trip me up. Truth is, it took every ounce of will power I had not to dive across the conference table and choke him.

The Dr wasn’t there, but will be the next time. The may have to staple my ass to the seat.

It has been an insanely stressful week, and my diet has payed the price. Talk about emotional eating. I suppose the bright side of it was that I was fully aware of what I was doing. Every chip or french fry that went into my mouth came with the clear knowledge that I was attempting to smash down all the anger and fear and guilt, etc.

So I sit here today, resolved to once again climb back onto the dieting wagon. Perhaps knowing that I may find myself in front of a jury in the next 6 months or so, will serve as more motivation.

Today is the final day of back to school shopping for the kids. I can’t believe my little Logan is starting kindergarden in less than 2 weeks.  

OK, I have to brag for a minute…..

Jarod and I went back to school shopping ( well the first wave of back to school shopping )this evening. Logan and Ethan were running other errands. We were looking at the Steelers jerseys and they have the pink ones for girls. The little girl I babysit for has been wanting a pink Palamolo (sp?) one, so I thought I would pick one up for her as a suprise.

I come to find out that all of the “girls” jerseys only had double zeros for numbers and none of them had the players names on the back. Jarod looked me straight in the face and said, “Mom, I don’t know how you feel about this, but that seems awful sexist to me. I mean come on, kust cause the girls like pink doesn’t mean they don’t know the players.”

I almost cried I was so proud of him, a man that was also shopping turned ot me and said, “ That sensitive stuff is going to back fire on you eventually, the ladies eat that stuff up, he’ll have girls crawling all over him Mom. ”

I’ll worry about that later, right now I am basking in the glory of the fact that my son gets it. He gets, at 9 years old, that womenare pandered to and patronized in our society, and it offends him.

We did end up finding one with the correct number and name…in pink!

The carpeting on the front porch is beautiful, it actually looks like another room out there. I got my big white swing, with a table to match and made a nice silk flower spray for the window sill.

We liked it so much that we decided to have the back porch done as well. I can not wait until Christmas, it’s going to look like a magazine cover out there.

Once the installers were done, one of them told me that as they were working every woman who walked past stopped to compliment them on how beautiful it looked, and how they have never seen burgandy outdoor carpeting before. $10 says a few houses pop up with it this summer.

My demons, Ethan included, are waiting for me to serve their football food, so I’m going to start dishing it out. I can’t wait to catch up and check in on all my Buddies, once their mouths are full. Have a great week all! 

Hey guys, we’re home. We were having such a great time that we decided to stay an extra day.

This is one of those moments where I need a vacation from our vacation. I am exhausted. We ran around like nuts, taking advantage of every activity there was.

The Doobie Brothers concert was amazing, we even ran into the lead Doobie in the hotel the next day. Actually Jarod ran into him…literally. He ran ahead of us, around the corner, and ran smack into a Doobie. I thought the kids were going to pass out when they realized who it was.

Monday night they had Karaoke at the outdoor, poolside lounge. All the kids sang, including my biggest kid Ethan. Jarod. Logan, and Kathy did the 2 Smashmouth songs from Shrek. Everyone there was so sweet, they gave them a standing ovation, and the bartender sent over a free ronud of Shirley Temples to the table.

Ethan is usually such a reserved, quiet guy….but put a mic ( an a couple of beers ) in his hand and he thinks he’s David Lee Roth. He sang Just a Gigolo, and ripped the roof ( if there was one ) off the joint. The kids were rolling on the floor at their Dad swinging the microphone and calling for audience participation.

I even got an offer to join some guys band after I sang, I would have considered it, but they are based 2 hours away.

We went off the resort and hit a zoo/animal park/petting zoo. I fed a camel, actually I think I fed every non-man eating creature that currently exists. Thank God they had Purell stations every 10 feet. The kids rode a horse and I had a pair of pants destroyed by an overly affectionate sheep. Don’t ask, I may need a lot of therapy because of that one.

I did fairly well on the eating, but by Monday I was starting to feel very lightheaded and shakey, so I went off plan for a few meals. I think it was the heat and all the running around, protien shakes are not meant to sustain you that long. I’m not stressed about it, I’m home now and can go right back to normal.

As you probably guessed, my house is a disaster, and the laundry….I don’t even want to think about the laundry.

Almost all of my flowers died when we were gone.  So I went to Lowes lastnight to buy new ones to plant. I had planned ot do that this morning, but I woke up and found an e-mail from Ethan titled, ” This is why I suck”

Yup, he never took them out of the car lastnight, so my beautiful, and meticulosly chosen flowers are now baking in his trunk in downtown Pittsburgh, and will be doing so for the next 9 hrs. He already plans to go back and buy new ones as soon as he gets home.

They are finally coming to re-carpet my front porch this morning, I’m so excited. Ethan also agrees that s part of his punishment he will be picking up my swing for the porch tonight as well.

So I’m off to attemp to put my house back in order and rip out all of the dead flowers to get ready for when Ethan brings my new dead ones home. I’ll catch up on blogs later on this afternoon.

Oh Nikki, I may need to bend your ear. They have re-scheduled my deposition for next Friday.