Erika

You know, if someone would have just told me that the key to losing weight at a break-neck pace was to work 80hrs a week, I would have done it years ago.

So far for the week I have lost another 5.5lbs. I am quite literally running my ass off!

I love my job, I don’t know how else to say it….I love my job.

My house is a mess, and Ethan is barely speaking to me, but I guess that is to be expected. OK, here’s the thing..

Ethan is by nature a jealous man, not psycho boil your rabbit kind of jealous, but more of a passive aggressive kind of pissy jealous.

I work with a man that is almost a carbon copy of one of my best male friends. He looks, acts, laughs, talks, etc just like my dear friend. Now Ethan can tollerate my friend because he lives 200 miles away, and our contact is limited to phone calls and maybe a weekend visit once a year. This new guy however, is giving him fits.

He is very flirtatious, and I really enjoy seeing him on a daily basis, it is driving Ethan insane. I suppose that after 8 years of me always being home, it has to be a real shock to his system to have me out in the real world again. Especially in an atmosphere that is charged with liquor and for a great many of the customers the entire purpose of the place is to find someone to sleep with.

Ethan is not a happy camper. did I mention that he works very closely with mostly all women? He works on the corporate side of a high end chain of hair salons. so he is surrounded by bleached blondes with boob jobs all day long. I guess that shoe isn’t feeling quite right on the other foot.

Am I a horrible person because on some level I am enjoying the fact that the tab;es have turned?

Our next project for the bar is to start a karaoke night once a week….me taking lead along with the DJ as the host for the evening.

Here’s one of the crazy bar stories you guys asked for…..

Lastnight the jukebox is bumping and we are all singing along to Papa Was a Rolling Stone. A “gentleman” at the bar with 2 of his buddies calls to me as I walk past and says…..

OK wait, I will try my best to censor what he said while still getting the point across…

He very loudly told me that he was having a physical “reaction” to my singing voice. I believe the words “___ as a rock” were used as well as the statement, “Who needs Viagra, when we’ve got you?”

He went on to tell me that if he continued to listen to me sing he may have the secondary “reaction” that usually follows the first. Then handed me a fistfull of $1 bills to play more songs on the jukebox, including Al Green.

I handed him back his money and told him that I while would gladly pay for the song, he should probably keep his money for the dry cleaning he would eventually need.

He promised he would be back tonight to see me……lucky me!

Should you want the non-PG13 version of this or many others just let me know. I can tell you this though, if I hear that Crazy Bitch song one more time I’m going to scream.

For those of you not familiar with this little ditty, the chorus goes like this….

Hey you’re a crazy bitch~but you f*** so good I’m on top of it~and I dream of doing you all night…..

Charming isn’t it? Musically it is really a catchy tune, until you realize what they are singing. It’s the most played song in the joint.

Anyway, I’m off. I have just enough time to do some laundry before I have to go back to work until close.

I’ll check back with you all sometime tomorrow.

PS. Hey Dawn, if you want a new picture why don’t you come out for the weekend and take one your damned self.

Yup, that’s right….7 pounds!

How did I do it you ask? Well once my hours at the restaurant were totalled up I clocked in at 86.5 hours for the week. I am exhausted, but you know what? I love my job.

It’s hard work, both mentally and physically, but I haven’t had this much fun in I don’t know how long.

I even got to bartend for the 1st time in my entire life this weekend. We were getting slammed so I had to jump behind the bar and help. It was a hoot, considering that I had not one clue what I was doing.

I basically ended up doing stand up comedy for the customers, so I could distract them from the fact that I was winging it. Each night I made the real bartender an extra $70-$80 in tips.

I found out from my friends, the owners, that I am apparently the talk of the bar. People keep telling them how much they like me and that they will be coming back to see me.

The one woman who waitresses/bartends told me (now keep in mind that she weighs 60lbs soaking wet and it is amazing that she doesn’t tip over due to the boob job on that tiny little frame) “The men here love you Erika, all I keep hearing is how sexy and pretty and funny you are….you’re so lucky.”

How freaking funny is that?

I love to observe people, and let me tell you, this job is a people watcher’s dream. You would not believe some of the things I have seen and heard this week. I can honestly tell you that I have never in my entire life ben propositioned so many times in one night.

I made the mistake of singing along with the jukebox while I was behind the bar this Saturday, and the word spread through the place like wild fire that I could sing. So I ended up with a bunch of drunken men stuffing money into the machine yelling, ” Hey red, come this for me….do you know this one? ”

Again, I am having so damned much fun that I almost feel guilty getting paid for this.

Things on the home front are not going quite as smoothly. We’ve got a real role reversal thing happening here, and Ethan is not a happy camper. To be perfectly honest, he is becoming so clingy that I am ready to kill him.

I came home Saturday to chower and change before going back to work, and he hits me with….

You didn’t even notice that I cleaned upstairs and did the laundry! 

He’s becoming a desperate housewife! Then he calls me on my cell at midnight and the conversation goes like this..

Hi honey whatcha doing? ( remember, it’s a full bar on a Saturday night and it’s loud as hell )

I’m working, what’s up?

I just wanted to let you know that I made Green Bean Casserole

Ok…why?

Because you like it.

Well yeah, at Thanksgiving. ( insert the voice of a drunken man screaming ‘Hey red, come sing for me baby’

Who the hell was that?

A customer, I have to go. Thank you for the green beans.

You’re welcome, are you going to eat it when you get home?

We’ll see, but I have to go I’m getting slammed. (Another man’s voice…’Hey red, is that you’re boyfriend? That lucky SOB’)

Do you need me to come down there and straighten that guy out?

No! I’m fine but I have to go.

Fine, I just thought you would appreciate that I made you dinner. Just try to remember that you are married.

I may have to kill him soon. I’m actually off today, and I get to go to Michael’s and get fall decorations for the restaurant. I can’t wait to hang them tomorrow.

Be well Buddies, I’ll check back after I get the monsters off to school.

Hello all, sorry I haven’t been here in a few days…things have been crazy!

Work is going very well, but I think I may just have to put a cot in the back and live there. I’m now sure the previous owners ever cleaned. The place was filthy. All this week we have been power/deep cleaning, clearing out the clutter, and painting…hell we even knocked down a wall.

As soon as the kids are on the bus I go to work, around 9:15am until 3:30pm when I come home to get the kids. I have just enough time to shower, prep dinner, do homework, and then it’s been back to work once Ethan get’s home around 5:30pm and I have been there until 2am every night so far.

I’ll do that today as well and then Fri-Sat-Sun I will be working 3pm - 3am. It won’t always be like this, but it will be for the next couple of weeks or until the place is properly cleaned and organized.

Monday was fun, I had to jump in and help in the kitchen, the food order came late so there was no prep work done and the staff was getting slammed. One person in particular was barking orders at me until a waitress introduced herself and asked if I was the new kitchen help. I told her, ‘Actually I’m the new manager here,  I’m just jumping in to help.’

Those barked orders changed from “Get this” to “could you please?” and “thank you so much for your halp” very quickly. I also found out that anytime the old owner had to help the wait staff or bartenders she took half of their tips. Can you believe that?

It’s no wonder they looked a little upset that I was getting drink orders and helping to clear the tables.

I haven’t really been 100% on the low carb front, I haven’t had time to sit down and have a real meal all week..too tired or too busy, so there have been moments where I have just grabbed a handful of crackers or something to keep me from fainting.

I’m not even almost concerned, judging by how sore I am, I’m sure I have worked off any calories I have put in my mouth. Once things settle down and I am on a normal schedule I will be able to get back to a real eating plan. I know I have lost weight this week, I can feel it.

Ethan is getting a whole new perspective on what I do around here, and yes the house is a mess. The kids seem to be adjusting fairly well…probably because Ethan is so overwhelmed that they are getting much more video game/tv time than they are used to.

I took a minute the other afternoon and went clothes shopping. I can honestly say that I haven’t gone shopping for multiple grown up outfits in years…man that was fun. I needed things to wear for work, and I did pretty well on the sales.

So that’s what is happening here. I should be able to check up on blogs tomorrow, I miss you guys!

PS   Dawnie, it’s nice to see you’re back. You doin’ ok?

Today is the first day in a new chapter of my life.

Yesterday was the last day I could honestly call myself a Stay at Home Mom, because today I start my new job.

This will be the first time in 8 years that I have held a job outside the home, and I am freaking out! I am terribly excited but very apprehensive as well….I really don’t want to screw this up.

You see this is not just a job to me, it’s an invitation to be an very active player in my friend’s dream of running his own successful restaurant. I take that responsibility very seriously, and it is a bit overwhelming.

I fear that things will fall apart at home, and more importantly, that I will no longer be able to pull off all the little extra things my kids have become accustomed to.

I fear what this new found more independent life will do to my marriage. Don’t get me wrong, Ethan is being totally supportive, but for a very long time my home and family have been my entire world. I sit here today knowing that their will be an entirely new group of people waiting for me that I will build friendships with and become invested in their lives.

I think that’s why I have been struggling with emotional eating so much over the last couple of months, zipping up that protective fat suit in the insane subconcious belief that it will insulate me from the big, bad world I am getting ready to enter again.

I am happy to report that I have been 100% on my low carb plan for the last week, I know that if I am going to be able to pull this off I need to feel good physically…and I always have more energy without the carbs in my system. I weighed and measured myself this morning, and I’m not sure what I weigh. I got a different number everytime.

I had said before that I needed to buy a new scale, but never did. That is also on my to-do list for the day.

I need to go shopping for some clothes that I can wear to work. As the manager I am expected to wear things that fall into the buisness semi-casual zone. I have maybe 4 outfits that fit that bill, the majority of the clothes I have purchased over that last few years were more of the ‘I won’t embarrass myself if I wear this to the grocery store’ variety. 

So here I sit, looking at the clock, saying those words that I haven’t said in 8 years……I have to start getting ready for work soon.  Man that sounds weird.

Wish me luck guys, I’m going to need it.

Every family has one, you know that miserable old person who has managed to outlive all of their more pleasant counterparts. Hence my title…because trust me Buddies after the nukes go off, all that will be left are cockroaches and my great Aunt Dot.

I guessing she is about 197 years old, and she is the meanest old woman you have ever known. She’s been old and mean for as long as I’ve known her. Just evil…..like the kind of evil that creates serial killers and plagues.

The last time I saw her was at a production my brother was in at the Civic Theater. She walked up to me during intermission, in front of about 30 strangers, and said…

 ” I wasn’t sure that was you Erika, everytime I see you your hair is a different color. Honestly Erika, after all of these years I was truly hoping that you would have had your weight under control by now.”

My answer?   ” Well Dot, after all these years I was truly hoping that you would be dead by now!” and I walked away.

So guess who I ran into at the mall yesterday?  Yup, you guessed it….Hitler’s apprentice herself, Evil Aunt Dot.

Keep in mind that as this interaction took place, I was standing at the T-Mobile counter…among 10 other people buying a cell phone. It went some thing like this…..

Erika, is that you? I see that your hair is still that awful red, you look like you’ve lost weight….lose more!

Hello Dot. ( insert eye rolling and a tone dripping with distain )

How are you losing weight? Did you join Weight Watchers or did you have that surgery?

No Dot, just doing it at home. ( keep in mind I am a good 15 lbs heavier now than when I last saw her )

Well, you still need to lose a lot more, how are you doing it?

Well Dot…I’ve found that since I started smoking crack the weight just seems to be falling off. Which is a good thing because my pimp says I would make a lot more money if I was thinner.

Very funny, I see you are still a smart ass. Have you had any more children out of wedlock since I’ve seen you last?

Oh, yeah…..at least 7 more. I figure if I have another one those welfare checks will make me a millionare in no time.

Whatever…you still look thinner, but you have a long way to go.

Actually Dot, I really haven’t lost any weight, you on the other hand have packed on quite a few…that’s probably why I look thinner to you now.

Shouldn’t you be home taking care of your kids right now instead of loitering around the mall? God knows who’s keeping them while you’re out running around.

You’re right Dot, I should get home. By the way, who’s keeping the crypt while you are here?

Try not to eat to much while you’re here.

Watch out for falling houses Dot.

Have I mentioned how very much I hate that bitch?

Many of you know that I have a old friend staying with us. She has been here for a few weeks and probably will be here until the end of the month.

Truth be told, her life is a mess. Mostly because of the actions of her aging, uncaring father and her out of control son. Unfortunately her father and son feed each other’s disfunction, and it has left her trying desperately to contain the behavior of the two…..with no success, and the loss of her spirit and sanity.

Things came to a head between the two of us a week or so ago and we ended up in a helacious screaming match. She had enough time to lick her wounds and feel sorry for herself, and the time to take action had come. It was a tough love moment, and I told her that unless she was ready to do things my way she could leave.

She did, called the next day and apologized, and came back.

It was through her trusting in the fact that I was only concerned for her best interest, and that if the other people in her life were only interested in placating her, they didn’t really love her. I love her enough to tell her the hard truth.

It started with, ‘Quit whining about how none of this is fair’ and ended with ‘Get off you ass and reclaim your life!’

Pain is the result of going against God or fate’s plan for you.

I heard that said years ago, and I never forgot it. Finally she has started believing it and is taking action to put her life back together.

It is astounding how quickly, one after another the pieces of her life are falling back into place. She has found a place to live, with a landlord who dealt with a similar family situation. Her boss at her part-time job offered to loan her the money for her 1st month’s rent.

She is an animal lover, and has a few dogs. She called Action for Animals to look into aid if she is unable to keep them where they are staying ( too many allergies, or they would be here ) and they offered her a job!

Most importantly, she met a man who at first seemed like a possibility. After a few dates he is showing bright red flags of a potential controlling abuser. She walked away! No muss, no fuss….no hoping he would relax or turning a blind eye to the signs. She had enough self-esteem and confidence in her instincts to just walk away. This is huge for her, she has a long list of abusive men in her past.

She told me that maybe I ws her lucky charm…I’m not, it her having the faith in herself to listen to that whisper which tells us to turn left vs right.

Have faith in your instincts dear friends, and faith in your purpose in this life. Take the time to listen to that whisper that is all too often drowned out by the noise of life.

Be well!

That’s right it has been a year since I found BuddySlim.

What a year it has been. While I am not even almost close to my weight goal…actually I am only 10lbs lighter than when I started. I can say this though, I am quite a bit wiser.

Normally I would look back on a year passed and view it as one more failure, one more oppertunity lost to be thin, and one more example of how I let myself down….this time around I see it as a completion of my training.

Much like my dear friend Jo and her marathon training, I see this past year as preperation for better things to come.

I haven’t reached my weight loss goals, but never in my entire life have I been more aware of why I eat and when.

I have spent this year in an introspective place….learning, evolving, growing, feeling, and taking it all in.

I have watched as Buddies succeeded, and struggled, and gone away. Through it all I have learned so much about myself and what I want and most importantly why I want it.

Much like my dear friend Nikki, I find myself on a new career path. Starting next Monday I will for the first time in 8 years hold a job outside of the home.

I’m excited and terrified and everything in between. Another dear friend Mary looks to each new phase of life and each place that it takes us as an adventure…I’ve decided to do the same. 

So today I start again, today I have decided to care for myself as I care for others. I have decided to allow myself the time and energy I need to make Erika happy…not Mom, or wife, or daughter, or sister, or friend….but Erika.

Thank you all…my teachers and support system…my Buddies.

I look forward to another year of learning and growing (mentally, not physically) and grat things to come.

Happy Saturday all…things are insanely hectic here as usual.

The kids are feeling much better, although we had a bit of a scare with Jarod. After 3 days of being on the penicillin, he suddenly developed a sudden allergy to it. I gave him his pill as usual and in minutes his face was bright red and blotchy. He started developing hives moments later and then started having difficulty breathing.

Thankfully were are literally blocks from a hospital, and in the ER they pumped him full of Benadryll and steroids.

It’s amazing what those steroids can do to a kid, you could see the tension and emotion overtake him within a half hour of taking it. We were joking around calling it “Baby Roid Rage”  ( not in front of Jarod ) and it was really funny until he went to school the next day after taking the meds and punched a kid in the eye on the playground.

That behavior is so out of character for him, I’m sure that the meds had a great deal to do with it.

I had a very exciting morning, I got to meet our Buddy Mary live and in person. On one of her many travels she was passing through my area and we met for an early lunch.

I am happy to report that she made very good food choices…I on the other hand did not. You see I had to have dessert, the waitrees in training spilled a glass of Diet Coke on Ethan, and the manager offered the desserts up for free.

Tomorrow is the start of Steeler football season, and as usual I will have a full house, so I am dutifully chained to the kitchen preparing all of the required snacks.

One final note, Jarod and Logan are in the midst of their school’s fundraiser. Now normally I wouldn’t do this, but they were beaten to the punch by other kids in our neighborhood because they were sick. All of the houses around here have already been hit.

As I said to my other Buddies, no pressure….but if you happen to have a moment, and there is something you would actually be interested in buying….perhaps you could take a look at moyermarketing.com. Their ID# is la6281.

Thank you in advance for taking the time for looking…and thanks Nikki for your order.

Hey guys, sorry I have been MIA, we’re all sick.

School is back in session, and the school is filled with little germs with feet. We all have strep throat. Apparently there is an outbreak of epidemic proportions in the school. The kids are dropping like flies, it hit the kindergarden class hard…all of the kids at our bus stop have it.

I was holding strong, but there’s only so  many times a person can be coughed directly on before they succumb to the plague too. All three of my kids…Jarod, Logan, and Ethan seem to be barely escaping the clutches of death. Were it not for popsicles, jello, soup, and ginger ale over crushed ice, they surely would have all perished by now.

Amazingly, I am the only one who hasn’t lost the ability to walk to and from the fridge to fetch said foods. I am also the only one who is still able to tell time and keep track of the dosing schedules of the variety of antibiotics and fever reducers.

Thankfully none of their fingers seem to be effected. While they are incapable of pouring their own juice, they seem to fully functioning as it pertains to video games and the use of the remote controls.

I guess there must be a natural anti-illness property in estrogen, for I seem to be the only one able to not only see, but pick up and dispose of the piles of dirty tissues cast apon the floor. Yes my friends it is a venerable sea of Kleenex and soggy popsicles sticks.

Don’t get me wrong….they have thanked me for my round the clock nursing care. Jarod was even so sweet as to suggest that they each get a bell to ring when they need me…”You know Mom, like on TV. That way we won’t hurt our throats or your head yelling for you.” 

I convinced myself it was the fever talking…otherwise I would have had no choice but to punch him (and his father, who actually contemplated it for a moment) directly in the face.

Hopefully I will be feeling well enough tomorrow to disinfect my house….you know cleaning around the blobs in their beds.

Oh the joys of motherhood!