Erika

I can not believe it has been over 10 days since I have written here. God Buddies, life has been crazy.

Please forgive my typing errors, Ethan has again destroyed the keyboard by pounding on it, and a lot of the keys are sticking.

I haven’t weighed myself since my last post, the PMS monster is here and I am so bloated I don’t even want to look at the scale.

Work has been insane but fun, tonight is our 1st Karaoke night, and I will be front and center. I’m a little nervous, but very excited.

Logan’s birthday party was this past Sat. It was a smashing success! He chose a carnival theme this year, and I build red and white striped tents in the living and dining rooms.

We played all the standard carnival games….the duck and fishing ponds, darts thrown at a board full of balloons, a colored roulette wheel, bouncing ping-pong balls into floating cups…..etc.

We had a tons of prizes for the kids, along with candy apples, cotton candy, and boxes of caramel corn. My mother painted a big board with a picture of a clown with the face cut out so the kids could get pictures taken, and then my brother stuck his face through it and we through pies at him.

My favorite moment though was when the ice cream truck came around the corner at exactly 2pm playing Happy Birthday just like we planned. Yes, I hired the ice cream truck! It was so funny, the kids (all 24 of them) went nuts when they saw and heard the truck. Then they all stampeeded into the house screaming “We need money!”

You should have seen their faces when they realized that it was free…..well free for them.

I caught one of the Dads on the cell phone in my laundry room with his wife saying, “Boy did you pick the wrong party to bail on and send me instead, I want to have my next birthday here!”

It was a great time, and Logan had a blast. One of the Moms pulled me aside and told me that had she known that the party was going to be this big she would have gotten a better gift. She said, “I didn’t know that this was a cover your plate kind of party… like a wedding.”

Tomorrow is Logan’s actual birthday, his first one in school. He is so excited for his pizza party in his class. Every year I send Jarod’s class  pizza and drinks on his birthday, and now it’s Logan’s turn.

Be well Buddies, I have to get the monkeys up and moving.

“Oh come on Erika, let’s put just a few blonde streaks in your hair.”

This is how it started the other day, when my friend suggested a mini-makeover. So like an ass I let her do it.

I did not end up with blonde streaks, I ended up with orange streaks…..now when I say orange I mean ORANGE! Like Tropicana Orange Juice kinda orange.

I call Ethan and tell him to pick me up a couple of boxes of red dye on the way home…..you know the kind I always use.

At least he got the brand right! Like an ass (again) I just open the boxes and slap it on my head, not noticing that instead of the deep auburn that I normally use, he picked up strawberry blonde!

So now my head is completely orange, with the exception of the orange streaks that were already there, which are now pink! The best way I can describe this new look is Strawberry Shortcake on crack!

This would be why I am typing this with a very dark red dye sitting on my hair. Hopefully it will not all break off, and will take the color properly….who knows, with the way my luck has been it could turn out blue.

Lastnight my crazy hair and I had one hell of a night. I almost punched one of the waitresses. I really hate that moment when my adult self takes over and stops me from going insane on someone.

I used to have a coffee mug that defined stress as the moment when your brain over-rides your instint to beat the shit out of someone who really deserves it.

Anyway, she got really smart with me in front of the entire dining room, and then had the nerve to scream at me in the kitchen for correcting her. she was given her final warning, if she mouthes off to someone else she’s gone.

I really wanted to hit her! I hate being the adult…..what I really wanted to do was to rip her head off, but I’m not going to engage with her on that level.

Other than that work was crazy and busy and fun lastnight. I worked until 4am so I will be able to go to Logan’s school today, and I will have just enough time to come home, shower, change, and be late for work this evening.

Uh-oh, it’s almost time to wash my hair out…..wish me luck Buddies. I’m way to old to pull off this kind of color and pretend it’s a punk, anti-establishment statement. I just look like a soccer Mom gone bad!

This whole working Mom thing is becoming a little harder than I had initially anticipated. I knew that it was going to be a juggling act, but damn……

So I get a phone call tonight from Logan’s teacher wanting to know if I can do the classroom snack shopping tomorrow morning. They insist on giving the kids those little bottles of water everyday, instead of refilling them. There are just 100 kindergardeners in total, so four cases of water barely covers one day.

“Just get as many as you can manage, Erika.” As many as I can manage? I don’t know if any of you have had the pleasure of wheeling 20 cases of water on a piece of shit dolly through a school…but let me tell you, it’s a real pain in the ass!

Then she asked if I can be there Friday from 11-3:45pm to help with their activities called “Big Stations” basically it’s a craft day for the kids. Now, I am scheduled to work 5pm-2am on Thurs, then on Friday I’m scheduled from noon-2pm(for paperwork) and then back from 6pm-2am again.

The only possible way I can make this work is to stay there until 4am Thurs night to be able to pull this off on Friday. I wanted to tell her that I would get on that as soon as I am done walking on water, but that would have been rude.

Did I mention that Logan’s birthday party is Oct 13th, and that I am so far behind on party planning that it would take an hour for the light form ’screwed’ to get to me?

AAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!

As if all of that wasn’t enough, Ethan is driving me crazy!

Every spare moment (she says in a very sarcastic tone) that I have, he want to spend having these deep conversations about our feeling and the state of our relationship…….translation: I miss you. When will you be home? Who do you talk to at work? Do you miss me? I know you’re tired honey, but it’s been a while. I could get a sitter and just come and watch you work…..

He is driving me nuts!

On a good note I’ve lost another 3lbs. Normally that would be cause for a celebration, but Ethan is taking it as even more of a threat.

“I’m really happy for you honey, but it seems like every time you leave the house you look better.”

Any advice? Anyone?

If you need a good laugh, check out YouTube under ‘Mom song to the William Tell overture’