Erika

As of today I have been 100% on my low carb diet for 3 weeks. Mondays are my official weigh in days, and I have lost 1 pound this week.

Normally I would be upset at such a small number, however my measurements tell a different story.

This week I lost 1.5″ in my hips, 1″ off my waist, and 1″ off my bust.

 I found a body fat% calculator at healthstatus.com. After punching in my numbers from last week, compared to this week, my body fat% has gone down 2%.

If you multiply the decimal value of your body fat% by your weight, you will see how much of that weight is fat. subtract that number from your weight and you get your lean muscle weight.

According to those calculations my fat weight actually dropped 6 lbs, and my lean muscle mass went up by 5 lbs, as compared to last week. (Strength training and walking)

Suddenly that 1 lb loss takes on a whole new meaning.

Remember the scale doesn’t always clearly represent your progress. Take your measurements and figure out your body’s composition.

Normally only seeing a 1 lb loss, would do a whammy on my motivation…but seeing what is really going on and how my body is changing keeps me going.

It’s just something I thought I should share. Have a great Monday Buddies.

OK, I know everyone has issues from time to time with a co-worker….but this guy is driving me insane!

I work with a man, who quite frankly is the definition of passive-aggresive, a quality that truly makes me want to throw things. He is funny, intelligent, good at what he does, and 90% of the time I really enjoy talking and working with him.

BUT, the other 10%….well I may have to kill him.

Clearly he has issues with women, strong women in particular, and I because that the cutesy-flirtsy crap doesn’t work on me, he has become extremely competitive with me. I’ve decided, and he’s admitted,  that due to some very severe issues with his mother he seems to resent the hell out of me and my role as a mother.

We have had many conversations where he says things to me like, ‘I have never met a woman like you in my life’ or ‘Nobody else does what you do, and thinks about people like you do’, but every sweet comment like that is followed with some sarcastic commentary. My personal favorite….’No other mother does the kinds of things you do with those boys Erika….and that’s why they will never find a woman that will be able to satisfy them, because they will be looking for someone like you.’

He is an incredibly complicated guy, and I genuinely like him…but again I may have to kill him. He holds a management position as well, one that I fought for him to get…he deserves it. Had I known that he was then going to challenge me at every turn, I don’t know that I would have gone to bat for him the way I did.

Have you ever heard that thing about defining porn? “I can’t define it, but I know it when I see it.” That’s how it is when describing his behavior…like trying to nail Jello to a wall.

We have been running this same cycle of conflict, it buikls and builds until I lose my mind, we have a heart to heart, it settles down, and then begins to build again.

I really am stumped, I don’t know how to handle this guy, and it’s driving me nuts! I would welcome any advice you may have.

My showgirl didn’t come to karaoke Tuesday, I was dissappointed, but fear not, there were plenty of nut balls to take her place. We did have one shocker though. This one guy…very ‘grunge rock’ looking, got up to sing Sinatra’s New York, New York.

Everyone was expecting this to be a joke, but then he started to sing and we all about hit the floor. Damn this kid could sing, we all just sat there with our mouths open in shock. It was a nice change.

I thought the night had taken a turn for the better, until some girl ( a regular ) celebrating her 23rd birthday, damned near knocked my front teeth out when she tryed to grab my big mug of hot tea away from my mouth to give me a shot.

The mug hit my teeth and then pushed my tooth into my lip. I didn’t yell at her, but apparently the look on my face said it all. She started to cry, and the owner said ” I thought that skinny bitch was going to get launched across the bar. ”

She apologized at least 50 times, hugging me over and over again. I love my job?!?!?

Ahhh yes, Tuesday is karaoke night at work. Don’t get me wrong, I love karaoke….I can even stand the wannabe rock stars that truly believe they can sing. What I can’t stand, and there is always one, is the person who can somewhat carry a tune and tries to make it a vicious competition.

Oh Buddies did we have a doozy last week, and I will bet you anything that she will be making a repeat performance tonight.

Totally over-dressed, over confident, and extemely obnoxious was this woman. Within the fist 10 seconds of first (out of her 400 songs) I said to the bartender…”$10 says she did musical theater in high school”

Boy did I hit the nail on the tone deaf head. She sang a one woman review of every Broadway show you can think of. From Chicago to Rent (she brought her own karaoke cd for that one) it was unbelievable.

There she was strutting through the bar with the mic, causing screeches of feedback as she sauntered past the speakers, singing her heart out with a make shift dance routine…the kind you usually only see from a drunken stripper. Let’s not forget the continious monolouge on the mic before her song actually started.

Using phrases like…”let me take you all back to 1998, when this song first came out” or “when I was girl and I heard this song for the first time, it spoke to me.”

Then came her rendition of Proud Mary, which I have to tell you was the whitest version of this song I have ever heard.

Believe it or not, it wasn’t the singing or even the over affected attitude that frosted me, it was the catty little comments, the eye rolling, and the general rudeness directed to the other singers from this little diva.

It got to the point that I had more than a few regulars tell me to “go show that little bitch how it’s done.” I did… she pouted….we laughed. For those who don’t know, I actually can sing… got paid to do it.

I am sure that she will be back tonight with a vengence and something to prove…..I have a feeling this will get interesting.

On the weight loss front, I have managed to lose 11 lbs since Jan 2nd. Gotta love those low-carb results. My goal is to lose 50 by June….the school picnic. So here goes nothing.

Does having your ears assaulted for 4 straight hours burn calories?

Be well Buddies.

Boy did we have a big weekend, Jarod took 2nd place in the Pinewood Derby for Boy Scouts!

For those of you who are unfamiliar with this life altering event, every year the scouts make little wooden cars with the help of their Dads, and race them. Jarod has come in 4th place 3 years running.

The inspection process of these cars before the race is unbelievable. they have to check for illegal weights, design, and believe it or not…unlawful lubrication for the axles. I dare you to say unlawful lubrication with a straight face!

Some of the fathers get so competitive that they actually do try to cheat. The next upcoming contest is a  father - son cake bake off. No Mom’s allowed to help, and the theme is Chinese New Year. I can’t wait to see Ethan attempt that one. I’m predicting a lop-sided dragon.

You may be wondering why is 2nd place such a big deal? Because it was good enough to get him a slot in the bigger race against other area troops at the mall.

He is so very proud…the Pinewood Derby is like the Oscars for Boy Scouts….minus the red carpet.

Work was a crazy as ever this weekend, and it looks like we are going to have to make some staffing changes. I think our one cook has reached her threshold of tolerance with me and my special food orders.

Poor woman, I’m driving her nuts with my low carb requests. She tries not to look annoyed, but I know she’s about over me questioning every ingredient.

Tomorrow will be 13 days 100% on low carb plan. I had a few cocktails lastnight after I finished my shift, but I allotted for the carbs ahead of time. Working in a bar makes it far to easy to throw back a few. That’s something I have been making a concious effort not to do anymore. Who needs the extra calories?

I was not prepared for the “drinking munchies” and had a hell of a time resisting that bag of Fritos calling my name once I got home. Ethan picked me up from work, no worries…no drunk driving here.

I bought a new scale…finally. Something I have been threatening to do for months but never got around to doing. My old one is a piece of crap and gives me different numbers everytime I set foot on it.

That’s about all to report here, I hope you all have a great week.

I spent most of the evening last night in the ER. I get heart palpatations, have had them for a few years now. I’ve learned to deal, but yesterday was bad, so I relented and went to the ER.

Nothing…all the tests showed nothing again! EKG, chest X-ray, hooked up to a heart monitor for hours, cardiac enzymes, and a slew of other blood work showed nothing.

I am so freaking tired of this. I’ve noticed that they are at their worse during ovulation and right before my period. Perhaps it’s hormonal….peri-menopause perhaps?

They strapped me up with a 24 hr heart monitor to wear, they did this a year or so ago…and again it showed nothing.

I love the answer of, “Well some people just have them and usually, as it appears in your case, to be harmless.” Really? Harmless? I feel like I’m dying…..scared shitless and you tell me they are harmless?

I don’t use caffeine, salt, cold meds or anything else that typically causes these. I’m just so over it. I am praying that losing the weight will help.

Anyway, the good news is that it got me off work today. Jarod and Logan are both having friends sleep over tonight, so I will be here for that. I am supposed to help out in Logan’s class this afternoon, I’m going to wear a very bulky sweater to hide all the wires…I’ll probably sweat my ass off, but I will be discrete.

So that is what is happening here, I hope you all are well.

I work every weekend so Ethan and the kids are left to their own devices for food. I was actually off tonight, and unknown to me, Monday night dinners here have become a tradition of left-overs.

Cool…leftovers, that doesn’t mean I have to cook right? Wrong! Well it’s only wrong if I want to eat too.

Ethan comes home from work and prompty fires up the microwave and the ovens (toaster and conventional). Saying, “just relax, I’ll handle dinner.”

Much to my dismay as I anxiously await a meal that I didn’t have to prepare, he and the kids begin a parade to the table full of every food I would love to have, but can not eat.

There was pizza, BBQ wings, hot wings, french fries, mac & cheese, a couple of corn dogs, spaghetti, and nachos.

Now I ask you, do you see anything there that even almost says low carb? The only thing on the table that would have been within my dietary restrictions would have been the ice cubes floating in the glasses of soda…hell that wasn’t even diet, so I would have had to rinse them off before chewing on them.

I sat there as they passed around plates, and just waited for someone to notice that mine was empty. Finally Ethan looked over and said, “Oh shit, you’re dieting aren’t you?”

No shit Sherlock!

I’m not sure what tipped him off. Could it have been me slumped over in my chair from malnutrition? Possibly the fact that they had to turn up the music so that they could hear it over my growling stomach? I know…it had to have been the moment when I started to salt my napkin. That could count as fiber right?

No worries Buddies, I drug my listless self into the kitchen and dug around the freezer until I found some leftover roasted turkey and while that was defrosting in the microwave that positively wreaked of garlic from the pizza that had inhabited it earlier, I steamed up some cauliflower.

Lucky me, there was even some cheese left in the fridge to melt down to top it with.

They offered to wait for me, but I told them to go ahead and eat. By the time my food was ready they were on to dessert. Dilly Bars or as I like to call them, Fat Thighs on a Stick.

So I took my food into the living room, plopped down in front of the tv and turned on my Oprah’s 20th Anniversary DVDs. Hey if I’m going to suffer, I’m taking everyone down with me.

You gotta love those family dinners.

Many of you already know this, but I work as a manager of a restaurant/lounge. Now if that in and of it’s self isn’t hard enough on a diet, adding in yet another birthday celebration there is well……a royal pain in the ass.

It is very difficult to re-train myself to not just grab something during a few down moments a work. The “grab-able” foods are ususally off limits to a low carb diet. So I’ve had to just take the time to order a real meal and sit down and eat it.

There I am, sitting at the bar, eating what I am supposed to and in walks one of the owners from the restaurant side passing out pieces of birthday cake. It looked really good too.

We have the “Oh, no thank you” conversation, followed by the “one bite won’t hurt you” and “but it’s her birthday” adding “it’s so delicious Erika” and so on and so on.

Finally I said that this was quickly resembling a scene from a bad “after school special” on peer pressure…she backed off.

Now the kicker of all of this is that she too is supposed to be on a low carb diet.

What the expression, misery loves company? I’m noticing that the fallen dieter also seems to need a companion, why is this?

Keeping in the work related complaining theme…..has every man recently lost their mind?

I had more drunken men coming on to me lastnight than I could shake a stick at. They ranged from the mildly annoying to the insanely rude.

One man grabbed my arm and offered me $20 ( in front of his 4 buddies) to hold his shot glass in my cleavage while he drank it. I offered him $50 to never touch or speak to me again.

Another said that he needed to kiss a red-head everytime the Steelers scored for good luck, and later said that we would have won the game lastnight had I agreed to kiss him. 

Then my favorite of the night, and quite frankly the last straw….as I rouned the corner passed this moron he announces to his pals, ” Boy I really love the t*ts and hair on that! Her hair has that ‘freshly f***ed’ look to it. ”

Buddies I lost it!

 I spun around on my heels and told him, ” #1…THAT has a name, #2…. no one and I mean no one speaks to me like that and lives to tell about it, and #3….judging by the looks of you, I’ll bet that you haven’t seen a ‘freshly f***ed’ woman in the last 15 years unless it involved a DVD player and a trip to the back room of the local video rental. ”

His friends about hit the floor they were laughing so hard, his face was red as a beet and then he said, ” I don’t like the way you are speaking to me either…I want to see the manager.”

My response….”Boy it just sucks to be you today doesn’t it? I am the manager, and if you spoke to any of my staff the way you just did to me, I would take great pleasure in throwing your ass out of here. So you have one of two choices….#1 man up and admit that you were out of line and apologize, or #2 head for the door.”

He did both, he apologized and then after a sufficent amount of ribbing from his friends about getting his ass handed to him, he left.

Because you never know where life is going to take you

and you can’t change where you’ve been

but today, I have the oppertunity to choose.

Those are the opening lines to what is now my new theme song…..”I Choose” by India Arie. For anyone that is looking for some new music to lift you up and make you feel good, this is the woman to be listening to.

I got her cd as a gift for Christmas, and I have played it everyday. This song, in particular, speaks to me because that’s what it’s all about….choices.

I can choose to be healthy and happy or I can choose those french fries.

 I can choose to keep a promise that I made to myself or I can choose to use one or many of the seemingly endless list of excuses and justifications to bend (shatter) the rules of my eating plan.

I can choose to have a peaceful day or I can choose to become irate with the woman driving 3 miles an hour in front of me with her blinker continuously flashing.

Today I choose to push through the sugar cravings that I know will eventually pass. Today I choose to avoid any and everything that will get in the way of my weight loss goals…in particular the Penne Malfalda that is on special at my job.

I choose to be honest about what and how I am feeling. I will not water it down or sanitize it for someone else’s comfort. I will be authentic and true to myself, because I have learned that this is the only way for me to truly put the changes I want in my life into action.

So Buddies….what do you choose today?

Hello Buddies, I have missed you all.

Things have finally settled into a regular schedule at work, and now with the holidays over I hope to be able to be back here more than once every month.

I have to much to share, but I don’t quite know where to start.

New year…new goals…new resolutions…and so on.

The kids are great, and making me very proud as usual. One of Logan’s classmates’ home burnt down 2 weeks before Christmas. At 7, this little boy is the oldest of 6 kids.

He and Jarod took it apon themselves to ask family and friends to chip in some money to help with the fundraiser for the family at school and even donated all of the gift cards they received for Christmas. Even the Chuck E. Cheese ones!

It’s homework time so I will have to cut this short, but I will be back soon, and I look forward to hearing from you all again.

Hello all, for those who remember me…I’ve missed you all terribly…for those who don’t, ” Hi my name is Erika and I am a bad Buddy. ”

Life has been…well, to say the least trying lately.

My job is going very well and I love it, the problem is that I have been given a taste of what my life was before I became a stay-at-home-mom and wife 8 years ago. at it has taken a serious toll on my marriage. So much so that Ethan and I are talking about a seperation.

Well I’m talking about it, Ethan is walking around looking like he has been hit by a truck.

He is a wonderful man, an incredible father, he is faithful, responsible, and all around good guy…it’s me. I need more.

Being out in the real world again has forced me to rediscover that person that I have supressed for so many years.

I can tell you the precise moment it happened. About 100 years ago I was known by my nickname….”E”

Just E, that’s what they called me. So one night I was behind the bar at work and one of the customers asked me my name. I told him Erika, and he said I think I’ll call you E.

My friends who I work for bursted out laughing and said that everyone used to call me that, within days that was how I was known by everyone, and I was left thinking….I remember that person…I miss her.

So that’s where I am, and that’s what I’m doing…trying to find my way to wherever I am supposed to be, and who I am becoming…or should I say rediscovering.